Today is Friday, the 233rd day of 2009. There are 132 days left in the year.
Today is Men's Grooming Day, which is another way of saying "Time to shave that three-day stubble, fuzz face."
A solution to the war in Afghanistan
(We scooped it from the Net. Whoever wrote this has it going on.)
Recruit all American women who are within five years of menopause and train them for a few weeks. Outfit them with conventional weapons, plus chocolate and a some wine, and drop them across the landscape of Afghanistan. Then let them do what comes naturally.
Think about it. The anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
They've had their children and would gladly suffer or die to protect them. They'd like to get away from their husbands, those of whom haven't been left already for a trophy wife. And for those who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. They have nothing to lose.
These women have survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. They can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all.
They've spent years tracking down husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores or sporting events. Finding Osama bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.
Unite all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh please - they've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years and therefore understand tribal warfare.
Women nearing menopause have divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how a man can hide, launder or cover up bank accounts and money sources.
They know how to find that money and how to seize it, with or without the government's help.
Let them go fight. The Taliban hate women. Imagine their terror as thousands of menopausal American women crawl over their godforsaken terrain like ants with hot flashes.
They won't stand a chance.
Wordits
ECIV
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I dno't eahv a osoliutn, btu I eradmi hte rolpebm.
ANSWERS
K9
THE - The underdog
I acn't mrebeerm fi I'm hte odog wtin ro eht veil eno. - I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
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Susan Engle, Edge editor, may be contacted at edge@lmtribune.com; The Edge, 505 Capital St., Lewiston, ID 83501; (208) 848-2228; or by fax, attn: Edge, (208) 746-1185.
