I blame my inability to take a decent selfie on short arms

True confession, and this is embarrassing considering the times we live in, but I can’t take good selfies.

There, I said it. That’s a load off.

I think it’s because I’m short and short people have short arms and long people have long arms. You need long arms for good selfies. Good skin without age-defining wrinkles helps, too.

It is always a struggle to get the camera exactly where I want it. When I do get everything and everybody in the frame, it then becomes a lengthy process of elimination. Is that beige blob covering most of the image my thumb or my hand? Do I switch hands or turn the phone?

After lengthy experimentation, moving the camera higher, lower, sideways, to my left hand, my right hand, then back to my left, everything is finally in position. No blob is present. I take the picture, accidentally squeezing buttons on both sides of my phone, thereby turning the phone off.

Maybe Apple is trying to tell me something.

I try again, now laughing so hard at my own inabilities that my body shakes as I take the picture, subsequently capturing an image of my nostrils in front of a gorgeous waterfall.

And I wonder why the fam runs when I offer to show them vacation pictures.

Look, this is my left arm and shoulder at the Pacific Coast.

Here’s my forehead in front of the Capitol.

Sometimes a stranger sees me struggling and kindly asks, “May I take that picture for you?” Translation: “Woman, let me take that picture for you before you hurt yourself.”

And, no, I don’t want a selfie stick because I just end up whacking people in the head with it — most often myself.

Selfies have become a mainstay of popular culture and personal history. I came, I saw, I selfied. It’s wonderful to document the places you visit. But these days it’s hard to know if people are visiting to see the sights, or just there for a selfie against a good backdrop.

I read an article saying if your boyfriend won’t pose for selfies with you, you should dump him and red flag him on dating apps. It also said if your guy refuses to take hours of Instagram-worthy photos of you, that is a sure sign he is a narcissist.

Yep, the man won’t take 2,000 pictures of you frolicking in the surf until you are waterlogged, but he’s the one with the problem. The writer suggested trading him in for a dog.

I hate to point out the obvious, but dogs can’t maneuver cell phones.

Well, at least not as well as I can.

Borgman is an author, speaker and columnist for Tribune News Service. She may be contacted at lori@loriborgman.com.

TNS