In a recent accident, I fell from the truck tailgate with a hard landing. It knocked the wind out of me. I got up and was sure I’d be just fine. Later I began to realize I was more injured than first thought. Independence and freedom are important to me and there’s a grief process that comes with losing mobility. Frustration and fear mounted when I couldn’t do what I’d always done and I had to learn a different way. Finding help means risking trust and trusting yourself that you can handle it if trust is broken. In Clarkston, And Books Too had a nice brochure that listed agencies that assist seniors in our valley. In my case, recovery is coming, but it left me with foresight of the future and I need to find balance between couch potato and risky business.
Loss and grief are partners. We’ll all experience both in a lifetime. Learning to cope with it may be a learned experience.
I remember the devastation I felt when I lost my first job. My confidence was shattered.
Because the indelible feeling of the incident is still with me, there must be remaining lessons learned. When there’s hope, you can still move forward. In a few following days, I found a new job that was a better position and fit with my ability. Sometimes loss leads to something better.
Losing my spouse as well as other family members has been the most difficult for me to process. It seemed that my whole life had imploded. The structure I’d built was gone. I had to find new footing in a world built for couples. While I haven’t become part of a couple again, I’ve invested more heavily in friendships with other women. This seems more important as I age and realize that statistics say women outlive men. I have to remind myself that, when I haven’t been invited to an event, I can take the first step and invite someone else. There are still times when I wish I’d gotten off the sofa and sought out a new companion, but I’m pretty content with my life.
Losing a best friend, even if that happens to be a dog, brings grief. Keeping busy and reaching out helps us recover more quickly. Does grief go away? Probably not; it seems to sneak back but we feel it less sharply and it visits less often.
I’ve wondered why there isn’t a group in the valley for merry widows where women do activities together. If you know of one, let me know. There’s an online women’s travel group that I may explore once I’m back to my usual pace. Companionship and fun are valued by most.
There’s comfort in the familiar, but as we age, we know change is coming. Planning for it seems to make it feel less threatening. Moving to a new place and finding a new community can bring grief or excitement, depending on attitude. Real personal growth in life comes through accepting risk and change, challenging fear of the new or unknown. So, if like me, you land hard and don’t bounce, remember to keep on rolling until you regain your balance.
Christiansen lives in Lewiston. She can be reached at petpal535@gmail.com.
