OPINION: Mental health and a sound mind begin with understanding

I have been told that life was so much simpler and people were happier a couple of generations ago. Really? Is this true? If so, what was the secret?

That is a huge question in the world in which we live. Humans were made as social beings. Social beings need others with whom to converse, not just to “talk at.” We need back and forth communication.

When I was in college, I subscribed to Forbes magazine. In every issue, publisher Malcolm Forbes had a little quote: “In all of thy getting, get understanding.”

I took this to mean: Seek not to be understood, but instead try and understand others. Many times I was intrigued and asked myself why one of the wealthiest men in the United States put this quote in every issue of his magazine?

I have found that social media and the isolation caused by COVID-19 have created a wall for many people, and we find it difficult to hold a conversation. I sometimes find myself in this predicament. The ability to articulate in a good, communicative and respectful manner has become difficult for me at times.

Heather Holleman, an associate English professor at Penn State University, is seeking to help others see the healthy benefits of communication in her book, “The Six Conversations: Pathways to Connecting in an Age of Isolation and Incivility.” Her hope is that we humans will open our eyes and see that we can change and imagine better conversations to connect with others.

How does this happen? Holleman asks us three questions:

How can I start and continue meaningful conversations with others?

What do I say in an awkward pause?

If personal happiness depends on having warm relationships — as the bulk of research shows — how can I start building good relationships through great conversation?

If you are struggling in communication, I can suggest a few anecdotes, mainly from personal experience:

Forgive. An unwillingness to forgive will rob you of having a fruitful and joy-filled life.

Speak the truth in love. Be gentle and honest. Do not simply validate and cater to others, but be a true friend who both uplifts and holds the people in your life accountable.

Act from love, not for love.

Be generous with kindness without expectations.

In a relationship, focus not on “finding” the right person, but on “becoming” the right person. What I believe this means is instead of focusing on the wrong in others, we should take captive our thoughts and judgments toward other people and be more loving in our mind — so that it is not just kindness on the outside, but kindness on the inside, as well.

Give the other person grace. One definition of grace in the Webster’s dictionary is: “disposition to, or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy or clemency.”

Think of others more highly than yourself.

Make yourself laugh, even if you are alone and do not have anything that seems funny. You will spark some endorphins that show up in your brain as a result.

Eat your vegetables and take your vitamins (OK, Mom, I hear you). Your brain needs it and so does the rest of your body.

Write a thank-you note to another person and mail it with a stamp. A text or an email is not nearly as personal. Who knows? Your personal, handwritten note may end up in the Smithsonian someday.

Call instead of texting, using Instagram, SnapChat, Facebook or any other social media platform. People want to hear your voice, especially as they age (my daughter does a wonderful job of remembering to do this).

The saying engraved on a necklace that my son recently gave me reads: “Be the change you want to see in the world” — Mahatma Gandhi. I hope I am making this world a better place when I treat others with kindness and dignity.

Remember what Holleman said in her book: “We need a conversation revival.”

Pick up her book at the local library or purchase one for your personal bookshelf. You will be glad you did.

Here’s to your new improved mental health. And my exhortation to you is: Reach out and change the world and your community with kindness. I double-dog dare you.

Mader, of Genesee, is a businesswoman, farmer and a former congressional office staff member.