Today is Saturday, April 7, the 97th day of 2007. There are 268 days left in the year.
Top 10 signs the government is spying on you
10. Post Office wall has several photos of you sleeping.
9. Your houseplant occasionally sneezes.
8. Domino's keeps delivering to an unmarked van parked across the street.
7. Birthday card from your mom has several words blacked out.
6. You get nominated for "Outstanding Lead Performance in an NSA Surveillance Video."
5. Your dishwasher functions are "Wash," "Rinse" and "Record."
4. Local news is only reporting things that happen in your living room.
3. Every time you say goodbye on the phone, you hear a strange voice say, "Roger that, Chico."
2. You googled a recipe for hummus and the FBI raided your house.
1. You suddenly discover there's an antenna bolted to your butt.
- "Late Night with David Letterman"
Facts about men
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
All men think they're nice guys. Some of them are not. We're sure there's a master list somewhere. We're looking for it.
Men don't get cellulite. God is a man.
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, we recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, we suggest saying, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children." He'll leave skid marks on the way out the door.
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause, you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause involves dating young women and driving motorcycles.
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
Puzzlers
HUMOROUS CASH
Friday's answer:
EGGS
EZ - Eggs over easy
And finally ...
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
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Jokes, suggestions and contest entries may be sent to Susan Engle, The Edge editor, at edge@lmtribune.com; The Edge, 505 C St., Lewiston, ID 83501; or by fax, attn: Edge, (208) 746-1185.
