Stevens: A loving, caring father is worth more than any wage

You know those infuriating surveys that attach a dollar figure to the work parents do at home?

Every Mother's Day, Insure.com calculates the market value of household tasks and finds that a mother's cooking, nursing, chauffeuring and other duties are worth a hefty annual sum. This year it was $65,284. The group releases a Father's Day calculation as well, and every year dad's dollar value is far smaller than mom's. Dads fake-earned $25,709 this year, or - as the survey gleefully points out - 153 percent less than moms.

Which brings me to why they're infuriating.

First: They serve no purpose beyond fomenting tension between groups pointlessly pitted against each other - moms vs. dads; stay-at-home parents vs. work-for-pay parents; wealthy families vs. blue collar families - even though real humans (as opposed to archetypes) within those groups share more similarities than differences.

Second: The results are pure conjecture; subjective data based on guesswork and stereotypes.

Third: They completely miss the point of parenting.

(Happy Father's Day, by the way.)

The $25,709 figure was arrived upon by measuring dad's hours spent mowing the lawn, removing pests and barbecuing, among other jobs.

Dad does the plumbing and lawn care, ha ha. He's valuable. But he's not, you know ... Mom.

Which is what fatherhood looks like from the inside of a greeting card aisle, not the inside of a family.

I started at the Chicago Tribune as an intern in 1998. My job consisted of completing any and every task an editor asked me to do, including working the 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. shift at Freedom Center, our printing plant on Chicago's Near North Side.

I spent one January day before my shift began visiting my parents in the northwest suburbs, watching the snow grow increasingly heavy and eventually reaching dangerous-to-drive-in levels.

I would sooner have died than tell my boss I wasn't coming to work. My dad would sooner have died than let me drive 45 miles in a blizzard. Which is how he ended up sitting in the Freedom Center cafeteria for 8 hours - overnight - while I worked my shift a few floors up. A shift he dutifully, lovingly drove me to and from. How do you put a price on that?

A man named Bill Pappas wrote to me earlier this year.

"In the summer of 1986 I was a guy who had a thriving professional career and owned a single-family home, when I unexpectedly became a single parent of my 2-year-old son," he wrote. "Friends did not always understand when they invited me out on a weekend night and my reply was, 'Don't take this the wrong way, but I need to get some sleep instead.' "

He wrote about making space for happiness.

"My home served as the primary meeting place for the little kids on the block, probably because I was the parent with the least rules and restrictions. Having a pitched tent in the basement and a large cardboard clubhouse in the living room, of all places, as permanent fixtures probably only cemented my legacy among the neighborhood little people."

Does that sound 153 percent less valuable than mom?

Local author and blogger Jim Higley wrote an open letter to new dads a few days ago, passing along some of the wisdom he's gleaned from 25 years of parenting.

"Your children will watch and learn from everything you do," Higley wrote. "You'll give them their first value system. They'll learn charity through your actions. They'll experience how relationships work when they watch you - every day - interact with your spouse or partner. They will not miss a beat. Nor can you."

He spelled out five fatherhood tips, none of which involved the lawn. Or the grill. He emphasized the importance of building memories and being the parent your child needs, rather than the parent who blindly molds a mini-me. He encouraged listening over solving.

"Kids don't need us to solve their every problem," he wrote. "Our heart and compassion are often enough."

(How's that for perfect advice?)

And he reminded dads to smile when they see their children.

"Every time," he wrote. "Even when you are frustrated or tired. Your children need to feel your love - and their value - every day."

Those children, in turn, value their dads. Far and beyond any dollar figure.

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Stevens writes for the Chicago Tribune and may be contacted at hstevens@chicagotribune.com

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