Items in this column are pulled from police logs around the region.

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Someone outside knocking on the door. Unknown who they are, not expecting anyone. Deputies began to respond until (reporting party) determined it was her “Mary Kay representative.” Someone’s knocking on the door — everybody hide, call 911, be quiet. Who would knock on a door in 2020!?

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“One male falling down drunk, second male fell.” Give the first male a minute.

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Report from a hospital in the region: “Patient bit by dog.” Brings a whole new meaning to therapy dog.

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“Says shooting off Mordors for last three hours.” Is this a critique of one of those “Lord of the Rings” movies?

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“Male screaming at cars as they go by, went into neighbor’s yard and yelled at dogs, currently in front of the burnt down house.” Huh?

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There was a “suspicious” bright red and green light reported on the Lewiston Hill, and then a bright red light came down from the sky appearing to land on top of the hill. Suspects include an airplane, a helicopter and the mother ship. The truth is out there, on top of the Lewiston Hill, apparently.

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Officer responded to a “choking;” single-word officer comment: “assisted.” I probably should follow up on that.

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“Small dog … chasing cars. This dog has been reported before.”

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“White van that was driving into oncoming traffic, throwing beer cans out the window, swerving all over. Currently in the drive thru at Taco John’s.” Man, a taco does sound good right now, especially with my free beer. Thank you, really bad driver in a white van.

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“Male riding a bicycle in the middle of the road, seems to be struggling to make it up the hill.” I don’t know, I just thought I should share that.

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“No emergency. Advised that two days ago she heard gunshots in the area. Yesterday, there was a suspicious person walking around and she now has plastic on her windows so she can’t see anything.” Whaa?

Wells may be contacted at mwells@lmtribune.com or (208) 848-2275.

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