James Bond might be on hold, but Jane Bond is among us

Michael Wells Cops/Courts Reporter Lewiston Tribune

Items in this column are pulled from police logs around the region.

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“(Complainant) concerned about a possible fight set to occur between multiple sixth graders.” Well, the first rule of the fight club is you do not talk about fight club. And there’s probably a rule about no sixth graders.

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“There is a flashing blue light behind the (complainant’s) residence.” Call the cops on the cops.

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“(Complainants) state that there is a dog (and) that it (is) barking.” That’s odd, they almost never do that.

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“Cat let itself in. Seems kind of funny that the cat let itself in.” Funny, felonious felines next on Fodder. Do you think the cat is a clown? Does the cat amuse you? Joe Pesci stars in “Good Kitties.”

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“Two males approximately 13 yo ... (complainant) asked them to leave as they were mouthing off and they are now flipping her off.” Well, the age seems accurate.

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“(Complainant) is thinking about killing people and needs to go to the hospital.” Or jail.

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“Dog has been barking.” I’ve heard they do that.

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“Fog is so thick that you cannot see the road closed signs … .” Uhh, you did.

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“Daughter is fighting with her boyfriend or husband.” I wonder what that could be about?

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“Female has a great Dane that she lets run loose.” Zoinks! Ruh-roh Raggy, and she would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids.

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“Someone laying next to the road crying, drinking from a box.” It really is hit and miss with boxed wines these days.

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Well, it’s time to check in on Idaho County…

“Animal problem,” “animal noise,” “cows loose,” “dogs loose,” “animal noise,” “horses loose,” “cows loose,” “deer stuck in fence.” Oh deer — didn’t see that coming.

Wells may be contacted at mwells@lmtribune.com or (208) 848-2275.

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