Needless to say, with nearly all social interaction cut off for the time being, the Easter Bunny is faced with a huge inventory of eggs he can’t get rid of.
The Easter Bunny began stockpiling eggs for the holiday beginning in October. Thousands of extra hens were hired for the seasonal work. They were fed rich diets of ground corn and barley, housed in comfortable spas where they had their feathers fluffed at least once a week and were given regular pedicures. (Chickens don’t need manicures because they don’t have fingers, in spite of what you may see at the deli).
The eggs were then sent to Easter Egg Central in (undisclosed location) and kept in cold storage since late February.
Thousands of workers have been toiling around the clock to color the eggs and prepare them in baskets to be delivered to all the good boys and girls in the world. No, wait, that “good boys and girls” business belongs to Santa Claus. The Easter Bunny does not legislate behavior. Although he has been known to wiggle his nose at children who hunt rabbits.
By about the first of March, gazillions of Easter baskets were packaged and ready to go. Unlike Santa Claus, who has a sophisticated public relations firm that has been spinning tales for years about how the jolly old elf manages a worldwide Christmas gift drop-off in one night, the Easter Bunny’s secrets have been harder to come by. It is not known exactly how the Easter Bunny hauls all those eggs without breaking them and delivers them around the world before Easter morning. It is suspected FedEx is involved, but a spokeswoman at FedEx headquarters said she could neither confirm nor deny the company contracts with the Easter Bunny.
Regardless, it was clear by late March that there would be a problem delivering Easter eggs this year.
“Once the bars and the hair salons closed down, I knew we were in trouble,” the Easter bunny said in a recent interview.
The Easter Bunny, however, is an optimist, as you might expect, and said that, while he was disappointed, he understood the reasoning behind suspending worldwide egg delivery this year. He said he hoped parents, guardians and others would step up and try to make Easter as pleasant as possible for their youngsters and he looks forward to resuming Easter egg deliveries next year.
That still leaves the problem of all those stored eggs. A situation that was made even more complicated last week when a regulatory agency visited Easter Egg Central and accused the Easter Bunny of hoarding.
Fortunately the bunny had a solution. Can you say “egg salad sandwiches”?
Hedberg may be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or (208) 983-2326.